The Akatsuki and the Five Year Old
by That One Name That You Forgot
Summary: There are so many cliche "Naruto fan finds Akatsuki as kitties" stories out there, so I decided to make my own original one. 5-year old Kiera finds a box of kittens walking home one day from school and decides to take them home. Only thing is, she has no idea what Naruto even is, and with her new 'cats' acting strange, will she survive? Spoilers, cussing, Hidan, yaoi, etc. Rated M
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

"Are the preparations ready?" Pein's monotone voice rang out through the small cave.

"Yes Leader-sama. The one tail's extraction should be ready to start." came the gravelly voice of Sasori from within his Hiruko(sp?) puppet.

"Good. Now, everyone pump your chakra into the statue." Pein said, as everyone began to place their hands down. (I know it doesn't actually happen, but for the sake of fanfiction let's pretend)

Suddenly, there was a tremor through the ground that shook the whole room. "What the fu-" Hidan was cut off as a bright white light blasted through the room.

The white light turned red, and the Akatsuki were sucked into the light and vanished.

*Third POV in the real world*

A five year old girl named Kiera skipped down the street, heading to her home from her kindergarten. Humming slightly, Kiera turned the corner of the street and walked down a narrow alleyway, oblivious to the dank creepiness of it. Stopping suddenly, she blinked, her pale blue dress swishing forward slightly. There, in the middle of the alley, was a large cardboard box shaking with strangled yowls coming from inside. Adjusting her backpack slightly, Kiera walked towards the box curiously, her long, curly, black hair brushing her elbows as she leaned over it. Sparkling blue-green eyes examined the folds on the top and she whispered to herself, "Why would somebody leave a box in the middle of an alley?" The movement and noises immediately stopped and she frowned.

Carefully reaching down, she pulled open the flaps and peered down inside. Her eyes went wide, and her face went blank with surprise. "Kitties?" she said confused. Said kittens looked up at Kiera, and several of them immediately began meowing upon seeing her. She bit her lip and glanced around. "You guys are alone huh? I can't just leave yah here..." she trailed off.

Kiera made up her mind and picked up the box, staggering slightly under its weight. She then began plodding off towards home, hurrying along faster than she had before, giggling all the while.

*Akatsuki's POV*

"What the hell is going on?! Why the fuck am I a fucking cat?!" Hidan screeched, trying to claw his way out of the box.

"Shut up Hidan. Don't you think we're all wondering that?" Kakuzu hissed as he yanked Hidan back into the box.

"Tobi likes being a kitten! Tobi thinks it's cute!" You can guess who said that.

"Be quiet Tobi! Nobody else cares that you like it hm!" Deidara snapped back, irritated.

"No need for your voice to be heard as well, so, shut up yourself." Sasori said calmly.

"All of you, be silent," Pein's voice growled out above the rest. The box immediately went silent, and a serious, tense atmosphere settled in the box. "We don't know where we are or why we are stuck in these bodies, but our first priority needs to be getting out so that we can scope out the area we're in." Pein continued, narrowing his eyes at each member.

A young female voice interrupted him. "Why would somebody leave a box in the middle of an alley?" Everyone froze. "Act like cats or I'll make you wish you were never born." Pein hissed out as the top of the box opened. A small child no more than five, poked her head in and looked at all of them. To act natural, several of them meowed. "Kitties?" they heard her mutter. "You guys are alone huh? I can't just leave ya here..." she said slowly. The girl picked the box up began to walk with them. Pein turned to Itachi and asked, "Do you have any clue as to where we are?"

"No Leader-sama. I do know that I haven't sensed any chakra since we got here" Itachi responded.

"Leader, it might be smartest that we stay with this girl, as right now we are defenseless and would have trouble trying to take care of all of us on our own." Konan interjected softly.

"Mm. Right as usual Konan.. We don't have a better option at this point.." The orange cat paused momentarily before sweeping his cold gaze across the other terrorists in the box. "Everyone. We will be staying with this girl until further notice. That means we are not killing her or her family. Does everyone understand?" Pein narrowed his eyes, daring the more vocal members to object.

"Hai Leader-sama." everyone chorused, Hidan sounding particularly dejected.

All of a sudden, the box stopped moving and they heard the girl say to them, "Welcome to your new home kitties!"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Kiera opened the door and stepped inside her house, carefully balancing the box of kitties in her arms. "Welcome to your new home guys!" she said happily as she padded down a hallway towards her bedroom.

Kicking the door open cheerily with her foot, Kiera walked into the small room and set the box of kittens down on her bed. Her room had cream white and yellow walls with a window in the wall opposite of the wall with the door, that faced the large backyard. Her bed was underneath the window and her comforter and pillows were green with purple spots. The room was bare of everything except the bed and a dark green dresser right next to it.

Kiera set her bright pink backpack down on the floor and climbed onto her large bed, settling down next to the box. She pulled opened the flap again and grinned down at the dozen kittens. Said kittens froze, before then relaxing. Soon they all went back to meowing amongst themselves and doing normal kitten things. The little girl laughed in delight and cooed to them, "You're all so cute and fluffy!"

A number of the cars looked mildly insulted, particularly a silver haired one. Fortunately, Kiera didn't notice the strange behavior. "Hmm, kitties are s'posed to have names aren't they? I guess that means I should name you, huh!" Kiera trilled excitedly to them as she picked one of the small furballs up.

This one was a deep blue color and had beautiful amber eyes. The orange cat with the purple eyes stiffened slightly. She gazed at the cat in childish awe and then grinned at it. "You're really pretty!" She said brightly.

Konan started slightly, but was happy nonetheless at the compliment. The orange cat puffed up slightly, appearing to be prideful. "I'm going to name you Beautiful then." The little girl said happily.

She set the cat on the bed where it nuzzled up to her. "Hmm... Which one of you is next..." She said to herself as she scanned the other kittens.

She lifted out an orange kitten with black spots dotted across its body. "I know what to name you! Pumpkin!" She cried joyously.

The other kittens seemed to laugh, and the one in her hands slumped slightly. She set him down next to the blue kitten and and pulled out yet another kitten. This one had blonde fur and bright blue eyes, with a patch of fur covering one of them. "How about... Larry! Like the nice boy in my class!" Kiera said triumphantly after thinking for a moment.

'Larry' started to growl as she put him down next to the other two kittens. The five year old reached in again and selected and all black kitten with an orange face, who was twitching excitedly in her hands. "You're so happy! I'm gonna name you Fizzy!" She crowed in joy as she nuzzled the cat to her face.

He wiggled around in her arms, apparently pleased with his new name. She dropped him next to the other kittens on the bed and leaned over the box again. Kiera pointed to one that was black in one half and white on the other, with yellow eyes. "You can be Cow." She said firmly.

She turned her head over to a cat that had silver fur and purple eyes and appeared to be arguing with another cat. Kiera nodded sagely. Cat arguments were very serious and important, she'd heard from Jazzie at school. The cat he was arguing with was brown with stitches all over his body, and his eyes were a strange combination of green and red. After the kitties finished, Kiera motioned to the silver one, and said, "And I'll call you Tinsel, cuz you're so shiny."

The cat puffed up and hissed at her as she turned to the one he had been arguing with. "And you'll be...um..." She frowned for a second. "...Grumpy. Because you were arguing with Tinsel." She finally decided.

Grumpy seemed to glare for a second, before turning back to arguing with Tinsel. Kiera giggled and then turned to the large bright blue cat that reminded her of the nice aunt who had once taken her to a carnival and bought her a bag full of cotton candy. "You're Cotton Candy," she decided, before she looked over at a red furred kitten with brown eyes, "and you're Socks."

Cotton Candy started to do the cat equivalent of pouting, while Socks just stared at her. Ignoring them, the little girl focused her attention on the last cat that was sitting a little away from the others. Her eyes lit up as she reached forward and gently picked him up. Oh yes, Kiera really liked this one. He was so.. pretty! This kitten had soft black fur and deep black eyes. "You're really pretty too... I'm going to name you Cuddles... 'Cause you're so soft." She murmured and gently hugged her to him.

Several other cats seemed like they were laughing, but Cuddles just ignored them. Kiera smiled widely again and quickly scooped out all of the kittens left in the box and set them on her bed. "Now that I named all of yah, you guys can look around my room and stuff!" She said happily, bouncing slightly.

The kittens peered around the room and several seemed slightly surprised at its bareness. "I don't have lots of stuff, but Momma says I don't need to. It's still really nice!" She explained.

She stopped suddenly and frowned slightly. "You guys are gonna have to hide when Mommy and Daddy come home. Cuz I didn't ask first..." She trailed off looking worried, though it was quickly replaced with a childish smile. "Kapeesho kitties?" She asked.

The cats nodded at her and the little child squealed. "You guys are smart kitties!" She said happily. "My grandma always used to tells me I'm a smart girl and that one day I'd be a really nice grown up and.." Kiera continued to babble on with glee, ignorant to the fact that only the two black kittens were even vaguely listening to her.

The sound of a door opening slamming shut suddenly echoed through the house. Kiera finally stopped in her tirade and her eyes lost some of their innocent shine. "You guys should go hide now." she said with an uncertain frown. "Mommy and Daddy get angry a lots, so you have to be extra super quiet, 'Kay?" She stated with all the firmness a five year old could.

The Akatsuki obediently scattered, several taking up positions under her bed, and the others under her nightstand. Kiera slid off of her bed, and her frowned disappeared when she heard quick footsteps approaching her room. Mommy and Daddy were coming to say hi to her today! The door to her room swung open and the little girl squealed and rushed towards the sudden figure that appeared in the doorway. "Mommy!" She shouted in excitement.

A sharp _smack_ ran throughout the room and the Akatsuki stared on in confusion as the little girl who brought them into her home was sent crashing towards the floor. Pein and Konan shared a loaded look, conveying an understanding. They recognized this situation. Itachi narrowed his eyes at the scene before him, and several other members eyes flashed. A scowling woman scoffed at her now quiet and meek daughter, shaking the hand she had just backhanded her with. "Kiera Marie Joad, how many times have I told you not to run and scream like some sort of heathen?!"

Kiera bit her lip and looked down at the ground. She had upset her Mommy again and made her get angry hands again. "A lot of times Mommy.. I'm sorry Mommy, I was just super excited to talk to you about school today cuz Larry gave me two of his gummy worms and Rosey played the clapping game with me and-" the nervous rambling was cut off with another sharp crack of palm against cheek. The Akatsuki watched on with a quiet, building resentment. Even the man behind the mask stiffened ever so slightly, even as he (albeit a bit forcefully) reminded himself that he was an powerful mastermind, and therefore couldn't care about the trivial life of some insignificant child.

Kiera whimpered quietly and tears materialized in her eyes. She was a bad girl, she knew it. It was always her fault whenever Mommy and Daddy used their angry hands and scary voice. "Tch," the mother muttered in disgust, "sniveling child. You'll never amount to anything. Take that disgusting box off your bed. You're grounded to your room until you remember how to act."

The woman turned around and swished out of the room, yanking the door shut behind her. A loud click was heard as the lock clicked, thus sealing the little girl and all twelve cats in the room.

 **Beautiful- Konan. Pein- Pumpkin. Larry- Deidara. Fizzy- Tobi. Cow- Zetsu. Tinsel- Hidan. Grumpy-Kakuzu. Cotton Candy- Kisame. Socks- Sasori. Cuddles- Itachi.**


End file.
